Long silence from my side got broken today due to an innocuous incident and thoughts triggered thereafter.  

I met a father and son duo this weekend with son on the crossroads of his career, like we all were at one point in time. As I gave my opinion to the son I added one last view – take your decision and act today on it after speaking to others but ensure it is fully owned by you. No decision will ever be perfect but if and when things become difficult don’t blame anyone else. Indeed, in my own life I have taken many decisions many of which have gone horribly wrong and some have worked out. Issue was always about ownership of wrong decisions and consequences thereof.

Other thoughts it triggered were about the ‘ownership’ of incorrect decisions despite being advised about the pitfalls by someone. Then it was about the advisor who had highlighted the pitfalls of a particular course of action, and his conduct after the action had actually soured.

In our everyday life we are taking decisions all the time without giving much thought. So long as the impact is limited to us and is short term it does not warrant much consideration. Except that even such incidents lead to inculcating habits. Habits about ownership of our decisions and actions.  Let’s say a couple is in a car and husband is driving. He suddenly applies hard brakes and wife ends up banging her head on the dashboard of the car. Instead of accepting his error he shouts at the wife for not being attentive. Vice-versa, there is a vehicle in front which is travelling at high speed on the highway and it brakes suddenly necessitating application of brakes by the driver. Once again, the head bangs and instead of accepting that wearing of seat belt was important, wife passes on the blame to the husband.  Both the situations show how we as human beings are loath to accept our errors and are happy passing the buck to others. As I look around myself, I feel that the default setting of human mind is to blame ‘the other’.

This one default setting, not only results in severe heart burn for the concerned person, with attendant results, it leads to many other consequences like broken relationships, friendships, organizational partings, organizational losses, nations sufferings etc. which could have been prevented or even repaired only if decisions were owned, consequences accepted and errors rectified. At organizational and national levels, leaders are supposed to take decisions. Not all decisions are expected to be correct. Only thing that saves is the ownership of decision, clinical assessment of the error and taking corrective steps. Alas! many of us fail to own our decisions. Consequences follow which are generally not pleasing. Since a larger set of people are impacted, correction becomes essential here for the well being of all. When it happens, something else results. This is ‘victimisation’ mentality for the decision maker since the ownership of the decision and the action was never there. More on this aspect some other day.

Now I think about the advisor. Who knows the pitfalls of a decision. Sometime we all allow others to take ownership of decisions and actions fully confident that this is part of essential learning and fall out can be managed. We as parents, teachers and even leaders do it regularly. More often than not, fall out is managed and it becomes learning. Even if there are some losses, learning is often far more valuable than the loss incurred. Ending in such cases is often not unpleasant. Caveat is that the decision maker has owned, accepted and imbibed the lesson. In this situation an incorrect decision becomes a invaluable lesson.

But what happens if the decision goes horribly wrong with severe consequences? Does the decision maker still blame ‘the other’? Does the advisor now blame the decision maker? Does he accept the decision which was taken by someone else, doesn’t blame him, accepts the consequences and helps the decision maker manage the situation?

Every outcome will have its own consequences. But one thing is certain. If the decision maker still blames ‘the other’ then managing the fall out will be very difficult. For any positive outcome ownership and acceptance of the decision is the essential first step. If by any chance it doesn’t happen, only way to retrieve the situation will be to change the ‘decision maker’ itself.  We see this happening around us every now and then, particularly at the senior positions in organizations and countries. If only the decision makers own their decisions such instances will reduce and corrective steps will be easier and quicker.

What happens if the advisor blames the decision maker? Other things being positive, it will result in some unpleasant interpersonal issues but situation will be addressed in best possible way. However, if the advisor too owns the decision and guides the decision maker to manage the fall out then the situation changes dramatically. It not only allows to manage the situation in the best possible way, but also results in generation of immense trust and respect between the advisor and the decision maker. This means getting rewarded by a bad decision and crisis. It turns a crisis into an opportunity.

In My Little Thoughts of Life, I feel it is essential that we inculcate in ourselves and in people who we can influence, a habit to take decisions boldly after being satisfying ourselves fully. But more than that we need to be habitual to own the decisions taken by us. No blaming ‘the other’.  This habit is not our default setting. Which means it has to be driven very consciously. And we are often the advisors also in life. If despite our advice, the decision maker takes a wrong decision, best course of action is certainly not to do finger pointing but to work with the decision maker as one and manage the fall out. Yes, clinical assessment of the decision, errors made and ownership can be discussed and learning drawn. At that moment a mature conduct will convert a crisis into an opportunity.

To my friends and well wishers I wish an ability to be good decision makers having habit of owning those decisions irrespective of consequences. And as advisors an ability to co-own the decisions of the decision makers and ensuring that he owns and accepts his decisions later on.