India is a peace loving country. It is so well known to all that our neighbour started a ‘war by thousand cuts’ many years ago. The war is still on and we continue to bleed. The basic premise of this war is to keep the provocation and injury to a level where it hurts, it pains, it bleeds but it is below the threshold of full scale retaliation by India. Idea of writing my thoughts on this issue is not to propound on Indo-Pak relations or express my views in the field of strategic affairs of our country, but think on the other lessons that we can draw from this.

 

Has this quest for peace been successful for us? In the post-independence history our quest for peace by chanting ‘Hindi Chini Bhai Bhai’ was rudely shattered by the war of 1962. Subsequent to that we’ve either seen wars which we won without talking peace or we have seen below threshold proxy war. Prior to independence, in the land of Buddha who was born about 2500 years ago and spoke of universal peace, we have seen centuries of violence, bloodshed, sufferings and loss of freedom. Even today the apostle of universal peace and non-violence, HH Dalai Lama, is living in exile in India. One thing is certain that quest for peace through non-violence alone may not be a good strategy.

 

Now let us for a moment come to post WW-II era at global level. We’ve seen cold war and open confrontation between NATO & Warsaw pact countries. But never did it  degenerate in a full scale war anywhere in the world, though proxy wars may have continued. This is a live example of open confrontation leading to a situation of peace. Imagine if one of the parties was weak and only desiring peace. This would have necessarily led to a situation of war, misery, suffering and occupation or domination of one over other. So a situation of confrontation has led to a situation of the peace prevailing, despite a tense stand-off many times.

 

This is the issue that caught my attention few days ago. Can we achieve peace in our day to day lives by being a peacenik, by avoiding all confrontation, by making it known to all that come what may we shall never hurt others, never retaliate?

 

Few years ago my Guruji told me a story. Once people came to meet Lord Shiva and told him that they are very scared of the snake that is there round his neck, lest it bites them. Lord Shiva understood their concern and told them that henceforth they need not worry about the snake and it won’t cause them any harm. Few days later he saw the snake was all bruised, beaten and bleeding. Lord asked him what happened to him and who’s done this to him. This time it was the snake’s turn to cry. He said that the same people who he had assured that snake will bring no harm to them had now beaten him black and blue since they were no longer scared of him.  Lord told the snake, o silly person, I had asked you not to harm them, but when did I ask you not to hiss? Not harming others doesn’t mean that others start believing that you can’t or you won’t do that.

 

This is the story of our real and day to day life also.

 

I remember a colleague of mine few years ago. He was a perfect gentleman. Good at work, always helpful and always polite. Despite all provocations he never retaliated. He was of the firm belief that organizations are meritocracies and whatever others say has no bearing on his future. Also, by retaliating he will create a situation of conflict which will be even more damaging to the organization. His bosses will recognize his maturity, understanding and talent and he will grow in his professional life. But then he slowly started to realize that he has stopped growing and his peers and even youngsters went past him in hierarchy. I once spoke with his immediate superior and to the HR about the reasons why he has remained stuck where he has. I got the same response from both that as we grow higher we will have more and more situations where will be required to confront, assert and prevail over contradictory voices, loud mouths and difficult people. A person who has inherent aversion for confrontation and conflict will never be able to manage higher responsibilities.

 

I remember a friend who had a firm belief in women’s liberty and detested the fact that women in our society were often suppressed. He was very clear that once he gets married he will give all possible respect to his wife and ensure that her sentiments were not hurt in any way. He also believed that household is a place where peace must prevail and there should be no confrontation. All misunderstandings can be resolved by dialog. As the fate would have it, he got married to a dominating girl. Not only dominating, she was keen observant of the situation and knew how to turn the situation in her favour. In a matter of few days she understood that her husband respects her a lot and cares for her sentiments. The logical consequence should have been reciprocation on her part. But then life rarely moves in the most logical direction. She had got her chance. For the first time she shouted at my friend, it was utter disbelief for him. He wanted to retaliate, but his belief came in the way. There was a lump in his throat. He tolerated the insult. He also prayed that this is the first and the last time of such a thing to happen. But on the other hand, this was the foot in the door his wife was looking for. There life has never been an easy one after that. In the quest to peace by avoiding confrontation, my friend has become an introvert and a person who’s now scared of a mouse also. He has completely lost his personality. The family is no longer the peaceful one that was desired by my friend. If only he had not been so averse to confrontation and had put a stop to this behaviour of his wife on day one the situation could have been different.

 

I know my friend is not alone in this situation. I also know that this is not the only relation where such a thing exists. This possibility exists in every situation where two or more people interact. Work, business, society, communities, nations in every situation we will find that people who are known to dislike confrontation are perceived to be weak and get dominated over. Indeed, Darwin had realized this long time back when he said that ‘only the fittest shall survive’. And who’s the fittest can only be decided if there’s a confrontation, if there’s a situation where one tries to dominate over the other and dominates or is unable to do that. A belief that others will not try to dominate you is a sure recipe of getting dominated in the process.

 

There are innumerable examples of this in our religious texts.  The entire story of Mahabharata is based on this. When Pandavas asked for only 5 villages for themselves they were refused even that by Duryodhana by saying that he will not give them land equivalent to the tip of 5 needles also. Pandavas wanted peace at any cost, even at the cost of losing their entire kingdom. But were they successful in that quest? If we look at Ramayana, did Ravan return Mata Sita to Shri Ram Chandra on the urging of many including Lord Hanuman or his own brother Vibhishan? Eventually, there was a confrontation and Ravan was killed in that.

 

Does it mean that we should not strive for peace? Does it mean that confrontation and conflict are essential part of our lives? Does it mean that I advocate confrontation and conflict?

 

No, not at all. Limited point that I want to make is that the quest for peace is a noble cause. But it can’t fulfilled by avoiding confrontation. Biggest guarantee of peace is not only our ability to confront but also the making it known to others that while we strive for peace, we are capable and ready for confrontation too. In the process, if the time comes we should indeed confront.

 

In corporate world, or even in government circles, there’s always a man who’s known as a ‘no nonsense man’. He is often known to be fair, non-corrupt, brilliant man who can achieve many difficult tasks, but also known as a man who can’t be trifled with. I’ve seen few such people at close quarters. These are the men of action, results, integrity, compassion and highest respect. While they demand results, they are extremely compassionate too. And if it is a matter of principle they are capable to taking on the mightiest. To explain it better I shall give the names of two celebrated bureaucrats who have changed the complexion of couple of institutions single handedly. Image and role of these institutions has never remained the same long after they left the saddle.

 

One was our Chief Election Commissioner many years ago, T N Seshan. As the CEC of India he was so assertive that he has changed the image of our election commission for ever. Not only for democracy, but now India is also known for free and fair elections, which earlier was only a dream. There have been many attempts to dilute his legacy, for example by making the election commission a three member body, but almost all have failed to make the EC a body that is under control of government of the day. For this we have to be forever grateful of this man, T N Seshan, who was never scared to confront the entire political class and did what was good for the country. He could have achieved nothing if he avoided confrontation or he was not known as a ‘no nonsense man’.

 

Second such person who’s made a big impact on our country in the recent past is our ex-CAG, Vinod Rai. CAG of India was also known as an institution that gives audit reports which were not to be taken seriously. But people who have worked with him tell me that he has always been decisive, firm and ‘no nonsense man’. He was also never scared of confrontation. And if he was like this, he had to be impeccably clean or else he would have been beaten by vested interests many times over. But this one man has changed the perception of the institution of CAG of India for ever. In the process he had open confrontation with many powerful and entrenched interests. If he was a peacenik who wanted to avoid confrontation at any cost, he would have been a miserable failure.

 

I also know a friend of mine who was actually a peacenik, an avoider of all confrontation. But after losing once he learnt from his mistakes quickly. Few years ago he changed his job and went to a new environment. Along with the job he actually changed himself too. He is no longer a pushover, he asserts and he confronts if required. Now not only he is respected and is an object of awe for others, best part is that he is happier also. Now there is no lump in his throat. And when he is returning home he doesn’t have a thought in his mind that somebody rode roughshod over him. Is there an absence of peace? No, neither within himself nor around him, except for some occasional confrontations.

 

My Little Thought of Life in this context is that howsoever much we desire peace around us, we will never achieve it by avoiding confrontation. Best way to achieve peace is by accepting that confrontations are a part of life and we need to be prepared for the same. Best insurance for peace is by letting people around us know that we are not scared of confrontation and in fact quite ready for that. Best way to destroy our peace is by letting the world know that we are peaceniks and will never confront.

 

To my friends and readers I wish a happy and peaceful life, full of self-respect.